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شوخی و سرگرمی سکسی انجمن لوتی / شوخی و سرگرمی سکسی /

"داستانکهای طنز سکسی انگلیسی"

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#1 | Posted: 22 Jul 2011 08:10 | Edited By: NimaRM
سلام من یه تایپک میخواستم با عنوان: "داستانکهای طنز سکسی انگلیسی" تو بخش جکهای سکسی ممنون

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#2 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:25
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#3 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:26
Four men were at a bar, chatting. One of the men went to restroom while other three men kept talking about their sons.
"I have to say, I was a little worried when my son told that he'll start working in a car store as a washer. But soon he got promoted to a salesman and he made so much money that he eventually bought the whole store. Now he's filthy rich and bought a brand new Mercedes for his friend as a birthday gift."
The second man nodded and said:
"I wasnät too sure for my sons future either when he started his own house selling company but now he has made a fortunate with it and just bought a villa for his friend as a birthday gift!"
The third man told:
"My son started as a cleaner in a stock market but soon he invested everything he had and won 3 billions. Now he lives in an island in Pacific Ocean and bought for a friend of his shares worth 1,5 millions!"
Then the fourth guy walked back from the restroom and the men told him that they've been telling stories about their sons so he started to speak:
"I must admit, my son is a disappointment. He started as a hairdresser and still does that after 15 years. I also recently found out that he's gay and has multiple boyfriends. But, there is little light ahead: he just had birthday and got a Mercedes, villa and shares worth 15, million for his birthday!"

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#4 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:27
What type of Nut are These?

1st person

What do you call a nut on a pea?

2nd Person

I don't know?

1st Person

A Peanut


[u]1st person again

What do you call a nut on a Wall?

2nd person

(says either)

I don't know? OR a Wallnut.


1st person again

What do you call a nut on a Chest?

2nd person

(says either)

I don't know? OR a chestnut


1st person again

What do you call nuts on the Chin?

2nd person

(says either)

I don't know? or Chin Nut

1st Person answers

No Blow Job

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#5 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:28
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
1221."

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#6 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:28
A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first
blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a
7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6
shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#7 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:29
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexual statistics. It identifies that American
Indians have the longest average penis and
Polish men have the biggest average diameter.
By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He
coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet
you."

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#8 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:29
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the
husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and
starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and
says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and
tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back
over and taps his wife again. This time he
whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
appointment tomorrow too?"

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
#9 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:30
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been
employed there for a number of years when he
came home one day to confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to
stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife
suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be to
embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks
later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously
wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do
you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle
slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My
God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No,
Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle
slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     

#10 | Posted: 23 Jul 2011 11:30
man was visiting his wife in hospital where
she has been in a coma for several years. On
this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead of just talking to her. On doing this she
lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the
doctor who says this is a good sign and
suggests he should try rubbing her right breast
to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in
and rubs her right breast and this brings a
moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the
man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will
wait outside as it is a personal act and he
doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The
man goes in then comes out about five minutes
later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his
wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to
which the man replies: "She choked."

What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
صفحه  صفحه 1 از 11:  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  پسین » 
شوخی و سرگرمی سکسی انجمن لوتی / شوخی و سرگرمی سکسی / "داستانکهای طنز سکسی انگلیسی" بالا
جواب شما روی این آیکون کلیک کنید تا به پستی که نقل قول کردید برگردید
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برای دسترسی به این قسمت میبایست عضو انجمن شوید. درصورتیکه هم اکنون عضو انجمن هستید با استفاده از نام کاربری و کلمه عبور وارد انجمن شوید. در صورتیکه عضو نیستید با استفاده از این قسمت عضو شوید.



 
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