انجمن لوتی: عکس سکسی جدید، فیلم سکسی جدید، داستان سکسی
شوخی و سرگرمی سکسی
  
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"داستانکهای طنز سکسی انگلیسی"


مرد

 
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're going to live on $800 a year!'
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
Barbara Walters once visited a large Indian reservation to do a story. While she walked around talking to the inhabitants she spotted a young Brave with a single eagle feather sticking up in his headband. Barbara approached the man and asked him, "Excuse me, but what does your eagle's feather represent in your culture?"

The Brave looked at her a moment before thumping his fist against he chest and replying,
"Mmgh, it mean me have one wife!"

"Thank you," she replied and continued her walk through the village. A short time later she spotted another Brave, but this one had three eagle feathers sticking out from his headband. Curious she approached this Brave and asked, "Excuse me, but I've been told that the number of eagle's feathers you wear indicates the number of wives you have, is that true?"

The Brave looked at her for a moment before proudly thumping his chest and answered, "Mmgh, me wear three feathers because me have three wives!"

Somewhat astonished she thanked the Brave and continued on her way. Sometime later she eventually came across the Chief. This man had eagle feathers all over his body. From his impressive headdress, with feathers fanning out around his head and trailing down his back in two separate tails, to individual feathers sown onto the front of his deer-skin vest and down the sides of his deer-skin pants. Barbara couldn't begin to count them all. As she approached this imposing figure the Chief observed her with great intent.

"Excuse me, Chief. But I've come to understand that the number of eagle's feathers a Brave wears indicates the number of wives he has." Gesturing towards the Chief's outfit she says, "Surely these are ceremonial and don't actually represent the number of wives you have."

The Chief thumps his chest loudly before saying, "Mmgh, me have wives on this side of the mountain, me have wives on that side of the mountain, have one hundred wives right here in camp!" Again he thumped his chest loudly.

"Well," Barbara replied, "from a feminist point of view you should be hung."

Thumping his chest again the Chief leaned toward's Barbara and stated, "Mmgh, hung like buffalo!"

Barbara took an involuntary step back before saying, "Now wait a minute Chief, lets not get hostile!"

"Mmgh, hostile, dog style, any style!" The Chief replied as he took a menacing step towards her.

Barbara, frightened by this time took another step back and as she brought her hands up to her face she exclaimed, "Oh dear!"

At this point the Chief stopped, stood back for a second and then said, "Mmgh, no deer! Run too fast, ass too high."
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
4 Months Prior:

I paced around my almost empty room contemplating how I should handle my girlfriend. I wasn't ready to let this relationship end; but, in reality, I couldn't put off the fact I was moving any longer. My house was empty, I had not told my 14 year old lover that I was moving from sunny San Diego, California to some random place that has been doted “Michigan”. It was time I did, but I could not bring myself to break her heart or attempt to have a long distance relationship. I sighed and slowly began the one mile trudge to my girlfriends house; all the way trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to why I had: not told her I was moving in a few hours and not told her our relationship had to end. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted “I'm on my way over I'll be there in 5” and continued the walk through my neighborhood.

When I arrived at her doorstep and rang the doorbell a 5' 6”, 106 lb body flung itself at me and threw me into a passionate embrace. I welcomed her tongue into my mouth and spent the next couple of minutes exploring her mouth until I slowly drew away from her and led her into the house. For a few moments I paused to admire her frame, she was skinny with light blonde hair and b-cup breasts. The perfect package for a 5' 9”, 13 year old athlete that weighed about 134 lbs of nothing but muscle due to football, rugby and martial arts. I let a sigh escape my lips before I broke the news, and after I had finished my short explanation I looked up to see my now ex-girlfriend sitting there in tears before she quickly ran to her room and slammed the door. I tried to tell myself that there was nothing I could do, besides, she had given me what? I blowjob? I futilely attempted to convince myself that I had done the right thing and that she had been nothing to me as I walked out of her house and back to mine.

- - -

The Next Morning:

I climbed into a car that was bound for Michigan and I tried to convince myself that somehow a life in Michigan would be better than my almost perfect life I had in California. I had friends, I was a star in sports and I had best girlfriend I could ask for. What would Michigan have? Nothing.

- - -

The Present:

Four months had passed since I had left my girlfriend crying in her house as I left to move to Michigan. In the time that I had been in Michigan I had “gotten some” from two different girls and even picked up another steady girlfriend that I “loved”. I guess in a way that is better than I had done in California. But now summer before my Freshman year in high school was officially in session and I had no school for the next eleven weeks, and I had a plane ticket to go back to California for two weeks.

I was walking out of the San Diego International Airport when I was greeted by former best friend Brandon and shuttled off to his house (across the street from my former home). After a short while of conversing and checking up on old times with Brandon I let him know that I was going to go try to make amends with my former girlfriend and amazing friend Natalie.

When I arrived at Natalie's doorstep I rang the doorbell much as I had done four months prior. A few seconds later Natalie opened the door and almost feinted from the shock of seeing me. After letting out a shriek of excitement she charged me and threw me into an ecstatic embrace that seemed to go on forever. She hadn't changed a bit and still looked every bit as hot as she did when I left her and man was I glad to have her hot body in my arms. I once again broke the embrace and simply said, “Hey Nat, how's it been going?”

She responded my saying, “Not to well man, I've missed you and had kind of a shitty year. Why haven't you texted me?”

I did the only thing I could think of and mumbled. “I didn't think you wanted to talk to me after what I did to you. You seemed like you wouldn't want to talk to me or be my friend anymore.”

With a small laugh she said. “Just as stupid as when you left Drew, of course I wanted to be your friend. I thought you had become a “Big Michigan Man” and had forgotten about me. What's done is done now though, want to go swimming?”

That was an offer that I could not pass up. But, then again I didn't have anything but the athletic shorts that I was wearing. When I told Natalie this she laughed and said, “Swim in your boxers man. I don't really care.”

That was all the prompting that I needed, I quickly walked out to her pool and shed my shorts and tank top leaving my: 5' 9”, long blonde wavy hair, skinny yet muscled frame exposed to the world. I laid out on a reclining beach chair until Natalie made her presence heard by giving a quick “Ta-da!” as she jumped out into view in a skimpy white bikini that hugged her skinny curves just right. As she turned around to let her front be seen I saw the smallest triangles of cloth covering her breasts and my dick 6” dick began to swell on the spot. She noticed this, gave a small smile and proceeded to sexily walk over towards me and embrace me in a passionate kiss.

I didn't know how to react, I had a girlfriend and this girl was my ex. If I kept making out with her I could forever label myself as a cheating man-whore and I didn't know how I could ever face my girlfriend again. Yet, the swell in my pants was now rock hard and I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted to kiss this hot bitch. I began fighting her tongue with mine and rubbing my hands up and down her back. Natalie pulled back for a moment and sat up on the edge of the beach chair; I gave her a questioning look and she responded by pulling the strings of her bikini and letting her breasts hang out for my eyes to see. I sat up and pulled her close to me, kissing her passionately again while feeling her breasts roughly. This began to produce small moans from her as I began to kiss her neck.

I paused and said, “Are you sure this is what you want babe?”

She responded by laying down on the recliner and almost whispering, “Drew, I wanted to give my v-card to you when you lived here. That hasn't changed. I love you and always will.”

My mind rand wild as I processed this. She loved me and wanted me to have my way with her. I had girlfriend but she didn't know that. So what did it matter? I simply said, “I love you too babe and I'm going to take it from you.”
I got on top of her and began to kiss her neck and headed south until I reached her breasts. I cupped one with one hand and took the other in my mouth and began to suck and lick it. A moan of affirmation spurred me on and I continued to roughly massed and kiss both of her breasts until I began to continue my journey south. I kissed my way down her stomach and when I reached the top of her bikini bottom I slowly slid it off her and took a look for the first time at her virgin pussy, it was beautiful and I new I wanted to make love to it. I spread her legs and began to enthusiastically lick her pussy, exploring the one place that she had held from me up until this point. I continued to lick as slowly began to slide a finger in and out of her tight little pussy. By this time she was moaning and that spurred me on to lick and finger her pussy faster until her body shuddered violently and she arched her back into a mind blowing orgasm.

To me it looked like she had passed out until after thirty or so seconds she regained composure and gave a laugh before saying, “Holy shirt Drew, why did I ever say no to you before? But now, it's my turn. You lay down baby.”

I didn't need any more urging as I quickly switched places with her and pulled down my boxers letting my 6” dick out of its cotton cage. She giggled and quickly got on her knees and grasped my cock. She began to pump and I felt as if I would blow within seconds. I tried to think of my 65 year old male math teacher to hold me off as she slowly licked up and down my shaft until finally she granted my cock entrance to her small little mouth. As she took a small part of my cock in her mouth she continue to pump my cock until I could not hold off any longer. I shot long ropes of cum into her mouth and she swallowed it all like the little slut that she was.

Without a word she grasped my still hard cock and repositioned herself so her pussy was lingering just inches above my eager dick. But before she went down on me she said, “Remember what I told you months ago? I'm on the pill. So take my virginity from me.”

With that she let herself down slowly on to my dick pushing through her hymen and producing a look of intense pain on her face. After a few seconds she regained herself and began to slowly move herself up and down on my cock. The fact that I had just come a few moments ago let me survive the onslaught of pleasure that her tight little canal was causing me. Natalie began to moan as I began to move my hips in unison with her downward thrusts, sending my cock deep into her pussy. Within a couple minutes I felt my balls start to tighten and I began to thrust harder deep into her pussy as she began to shudder in orgasm once again. I kept up my thrusts until I shot ropes of cum deep into her pussy. My now shriveling dick slid out of her pussy as I pulled her closer to me and kissed her passionately. I muttered, “I love you.”

She responded by saying, “So do I and I want to prove it. How much longer are you staying for?”

My mind ran wild at that and I began to think of the possible things that could happen within the next two weeks.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
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TakPorn
مرد

 
WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!",
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
David had a wonderful family. His parents were nice, he had a loving wife and a little girl, who prayed every night like she was taught. Once, David went to her door to say good night and heard that she was still praying. She said:
- Bless mum, bless dad, bless granma and bye bye granpa. A little confused he went to say good night and they both went to sleep. Next morning his mum, the girl's granny, had died.
In the evening dad listened the girl pray again:
"Bless mum, bless dad and bye bye granpa".
Next morning her granpa was found dead.
Scared, David went his daughter's room again and heard just what he scared:
"Bless mum and bye bye dad"
He couldn't sleep at all the whole night. In the morning he did all his chores much more careful than usually, drove to work very slowly and even more careful back home. When he got there, he realized that it was evening already and that he's not going to die. Releaved David went to his wife, wrapped his arms around her waist and said:
"I had a horrible day at the office today." She got mad and said:
"You think YOUR day was awful? My day started with the milkman dead on our carpet!"
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."


(Sample)
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.


You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!

Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __


The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.



2. Urinal 1 is occupied.
X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __


The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.

Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.

1 2 3 4 5 6

Enter your choice here: __


The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."



4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6

Enter your choice here: __


The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.

Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section

5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6

Enter your choice here: __


The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!

VERY Tricky Indeed Section

6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6

Enter your choice here: __


The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!

Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room.... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber.... and see the movie.
12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber.... and you can stay in the front seat.
13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.... or send you out for Milk Duds.
15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.
16. A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?".
17. A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.
18. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
19. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore.
20. With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
21. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
22. Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache.
23. Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is.
24. Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.
25. Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent.
26. With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry.
27. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: ...want to shake hands and be friends.
28. ...say, "I'll call you a cab".
29. ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.
30. ...tell you he is the marrying kind.
31. ...call his ex-wife or therapist.
32. ...take you to confession.
33. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
34. Cucumbers won't make you go to the drugstore.
35. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
36. A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
37. A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.
38. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
39. With a cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season.
40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
43. A cucumber won't go through your medicine chest.
44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
45. Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.
46. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
47. Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
48. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
49. Cucumbers aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts.
50. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
51. You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
52. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
53. Cucumbers won't ask: "Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?"
54. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser.
55. A cucumber won't want to join your sports group.
56. A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.
57. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations.
58. Cucumbers won't ask about your Last Lover.... or speculate about your next one.
59. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
60. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.
61. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
62. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.
63. A cucumber won't give you a hickey.
64. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot.
65. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
66. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
67. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
68. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
69. Cucumbers don't compare you to a center fold.
70. Cucumbers don't count to 10.
71. Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
72. A cucumber will never leave you ... for another woman.
73. ...for another man.
74. ...for another cucumber.
75. A cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then come home smelling like another woman.
76. A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.
77. You always know where a cucumber has been.
78. A cucumber never has to call "the wife".
79. Cucumbers never have mid-life crises.
80. A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
81. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
82. You won't find out later that your cucumber ... is married.
83. ...is on penicillin.
84. ...likes you - but loves your brother.
85. A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
86. Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R.
87. A cucumber won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.
88. Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
89. Cucumbers won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.
90. A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
91. A cucumber won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
92. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
93. A cucumber doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family.
94. A cucumber won't ask to be put through Med School.
95. A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
96. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
97. Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
98. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
99. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
This guy goes up to a woman in a bar and whispers in her ear," I'd love to fill your puss y with Vodka and then drink it all".

The woman runs over to her husband and tells him what he had said, expecting a violent reaction.

She waited for a minute or so, but he never even said one word.

"Well aren't you going to kick the s h i t out of him"? She asks.

"No, no, oh no he said. I'm not fighting any f u c k e r that can drink a crate of Vodka.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
On the rising wave of lust


I believe that everyone remembers the early spring years of their lives, when the body awakens from the latent stage of psychological development and fills your consciousness with streams of new hormones, and you get these...strange... sensations... For some unknown reason, new parts of the body start to blossom and bring with this process a wave of ecstatic pleasure about which you had no idea and for which you will crave for the rest of your life. During this life altering period, you also start notice the people around you but in a different way than before. You look at girls, but all the time your eyes shift to the little plump hills growing on their chest or on the the prominent curves at the base of their spines; and this awakens the dormant little snake in your pants. But the newly awakened libido is diffuse at this early stage and your cathexis can also be a boy. That's what happened to me.
The Earth was beginning its thirteen rotation around the Sun since the day I had shifted from intrauterine life to normal human mode of existence when my gonads started producing testosterone. Since that moment my life became nothing but a kaleidoscope of boners, wet dreams and sexual thoughts. At the beginning, the thoughts were self centered. In the local educational institute I would fantasize about getting home, lying on the bed with the spine up and putting my hand in the groin and just stroke there for some time. Orgasm was still an alien concept for me back then. Till one Saturday afternoon.
That day I was lying on the deep green sofa in my living room with the spine up. My head was turned left toward the TV. Some cartoon about space races was on the cartoon channel. No one was home, so my hand was at its usual place - under my body and in the shorts - exploring the hard hot boner and caressing the wrinkled skin of the tightened scrotum. The more I stroked, the stronger got the the pleasurable tingling sensations in the groin and the base of the spine. They reminded me of the feelings you get when someone tickles you, but with the pleasure knob turned up a few notches above the usual level. Several strokes up and down the erect shaft later I felt like something tightened in my crotch. The area became heavy, and every centimeter of the sensitive skin there burned with drilling electrical sensations. The desire to continue the masturbation was too strong. I moved the right hand and up and down my erect member and crossed the point of no return. The very first few seconds( or hours) I felt as if time had stopped to flow. The tickling pleasure in the groin became stronger than before. I caught my breath, feeling as my genital area prepared for an explosion. And it came a moment( or eternity) later. My dick twitched, releasing some hot fluid onto the palm of my hand. At the same, time an intense wave of euphoric heat and tingling spread from the crotch trough my body, tensing my thighs and loin. In less than a second the orgasmic wave hit my head, filling it with an all consuming yellow light. At that moment, I lifted the head and opened my mouth. Then the penis twitched again, I made a thrusting move into the sofa and lifted my head higher, feeling total ecstasy and seeing nothing but the yellow light behind my closed eyelids. This cycle continued for half a minute; during this time the jerking of my penis weakened and finally stopped. The same thing happened with the energy waves. At the end of my first orgasm I felt as if were bathed in a warm electric sea. I didn't feel tired. On the contrary, I felt more alive, more here and now than before. I opened the eyes. Every object in the room looked clearer and brighter than usual. The living room looked to me as if passed through a weak yellow shade. My skin felt warm and tingly, like after a good bath or a fantastic massage. The body felt amazingly relaxed. Never before I had experienced such slackening. It was as if I had let go of all my problems.
When the feeling of peace and stillness subsided, I sat on the sofa and removed my right hand from inside the long black shorts. The white viscous fluid on my palm gleamed a little from the rays of the Sun, falling in the room from the window on the left. A distinct sperm smell, reminiscent of washing powder and fresh chestnuts at the same time, filled the air in the room. I wiped the hand against my black shirt, stood up and went to my room. The penis was still hard and left the last little droplets of sticky cum onto the already wet fabric of my underwear.
After this event, I became obsessed with masturbation. I jacked off several times a day. Being in school was an eternal torment because of the never ending desire in my hard and throbbing organ. No matter how much I masturbated, I never achieved the orgasm of the same intensity as the first one. Actually, the more I beat the meat, the weaker it became. And so, after two months of non stop action, I changed tactics. I decided to lower my jacking off activity to one time in a week. It was terrible. By the second day of abstinence almost everything turned me on. The penis stroked against the pubis area – a hard on. I removed my clothes before going to bed – again a hard on. Usually, by the third day I gave up. And the orgasm felt so...fantastic. It was very close to the first one, but still something missed. I guess it was the “wow”factor. The first orgasm is something incredible, a totally new feeling. The following orgasmic experiences lack this because you know what to expect, and this takes away some of the strength from this event. I think the only way to feel a very strong orgasm when you are an adult is by giving up sexual life for several months. But who will manage to achieve such feat?
Time went by, and I noticed that I looked at boys more often than at girls. I can't explain it, but when I was a teenager I never attraction toward girls. There was something in them that revolted me. Maybe it was their attitude towards me, a geek with no muscle and no confidence? Or maybe it was their stupidity? Because every time I tried to talk to them, they looked at me wide eyed, as if I said something ultra smart and too heavy for their brains, when in fact I was talking about the biology lessons, literature ans stuff like that. Whatever the reason was, they just never managed to make my fleshy friend point at them. But boys! If a boy I liked was around me, there was a never ending circus in my pants. The most interesting part was that usually the boy had one too. It was as if we aroused each other and then just waited till someone would start a conversation about sex or offer to spend a night at his place. But this never happened and I felt frustrated about it. And later, in the evening, I would jack off like crazy, fantasizing about the things I could had done to him and cursing myself for the lack of initiative. This way continued all the school year till summer, when John came into town.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
مرد

 
ادامه ی قبلی


I was a very secluded kid during the teenage years, not really interested in sports or other fun activities. I enjoyed spending my time in solitude, thinking about various strange matters, reading a book or drawing something. Because of my nature I was considered a geek in school, and this didn't help me in my life. Of course I got good grades and with them paved my way into a bright future, but very often I thought I was doing the wrong thing. The thing I wanted the most at that time was someone who could understand me, listen to me without saying something insulting back. A friend. My prayers were answered, and I met Johnny.
We have met the first time on my tenth summer spent in this reality. I was walking somewhere and bumped into him. The rest is history.
John visited our town only during the summer. He had a cottage here. It was because of him that I waited for summer vacations. And I don't regret every minute of the time spent with him. John was just like me - a lone ranger, an outsider. This similarity was the glue of our friendship. I also learned a lot of things from him. He helped me to take a more laid back look at life and taught me the importance of humour. And the music! It was John that instilled in me the interest in electronic music. And I still have the two albums he gave to me on my twelfth birthday. “Rising” and “Qlippoth.” I listened to them through all my second decade of life. Great music! It helps me to relax when I am tired; and there is nothing more comforting than to lay on the green grass, look at the sky and listen to these albums.
Back to the story. I finished another awful year of school and was finally free for three months. I walked to my place in the northern district of the city. The Sun was shining in the cloudless sky, warming up the air. A little breeze blew from the east and waved my blue shirt and short yellow shorts. The streets were empty. The district where I lived was inhabited mostly by businessmen and women who worked from morning till night in their offices, so the place reminded more of a ghost town than a place full of life. The summer was an exception, due to all the kids running and playing around.
When I reached my house I saw him. He looked different now. More attractive. I walked to him. John turned away from the parents and looked at me. A wide smile spread trough his face, revealing two rows of white teeth.
“Hi!” He said.”Long time, no see!”
I smiled back and asked:
“How are you?”
“I am fine. So, how's school?”
'Like always. When will you be free?” I asked him.
John was a few inches taller than me. He had long brown hair that covered his head like a helmet, beautiful brown eyes, puffy cheeks covered with freckles, straight nose, thin pink lips and beautiful white teeth. His mouth looked especially beautiful to me. I felt a strong desire to lean and cover it with my own and to pass my tongue on John's clean teeth.
John looked robust. Not muscular, but not skin and bones like me. A gray short sleeved t-shirt covered his body; long jean shorts covered his legs and hid from sight his precious package .
“After dinner I guess. We have all summer ahead,” John said and then went to his two storey house with white walls, red tiled roof and a green lawn in the front.
The best thing was that I lived right next to John. When I got home, the first thing I did was masturbating. Seeing John aroused me too much. He became so hot and attractive! Knowing that he is my only and best friend made me only hornier. So many possibilities opened for the summer. So many things to try.
I went upstairs and entered my room. I put the bag on the green carpet which covered the room's floor and then sat on the far side of the bed. In front of me there was the window, showing John's house next door, but I didn't care. I was too horny to care. I spread my legs apart. The yellow short shorts tightened around my thighs. Then I placed my hand on the bulge between the legs. I moved the hand up and down, felt the tip of the penis, its iron shaft and the balls trough the shorts. Then I moved the hand up to the belly and shifted in inside the shorts. I caressed my aroused organ through the thin fabric of the underwear and felt how shivers of pleasure filled the entire groin area. The strongest I felt them at the top of the dick. I caressed it with the forefinger, feeling the little wet spot on the place where the urethral orifice came in contact with the white material of the undies. When this kind of stimulation was enough for me, I stretched with the left hand both the shorts and underwear. A stream of cool air flowed around the aroused dickhead. It felt fantastic. I moved my right hand closer to my member. I placed the thumb on the front side of the prepuce and the remaining finger on its the back side - where it covered the frenulum - and started moving the foreskin up and down the purple knob end. Minute and a half of slow stimulation later, the orgasm came. I closed the eyes and threw the head back while the penis pumped hot semen, which fell on the pubic area or trickled down the glans penis onto my fingers. It was a powerful one. The first orgasm after four days of no activity.
When I returned back to baseline state I removed the left hand, holding the shorts and underwear. They hit my sperm covered belly with a loud clap. I wiped my right hand against the blue shirt, got up and went into the bathroom. There I washed off the remnants of semen from the hands and washed my face with cold water to refresh myself a bit and subdue the currents of lust running in the background of my head. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. Uncombed short dark blond hair. Light green eyes. An elongated face with a straight nose, pale cheeks, thin pink lips. I looked good for my age. Not spectacular, but not ugly either. I smiled at my reflection and then left the bathroom.
My parents usually worked from dawn till dusk, so I had to make breakfasts, lunches and dinners myself. It wasn't a particular problem. There always was something frozen in the freezer; the only required from me was to put the stuff into a dish and then heat it up in the microwave oven. I ate, washed the dishes and then went to the door. I opened it and saw John walking down the pathway across the lawn to the porch.
He looked at me, smiled and said:
“I don't need to ask you to come out anymore.”
I smiled back, saying nothing. I was just mesmerized by his eyes and his smile. They invited me to pour my soul to John.
“So...what we will do now?” John asked.
“I d-d-don't know. Take a walk around,” I answered.
My best friend smiled.
“You haven't changed a bit,” he said. ”Still stuttering while talking to other people.”
“Everyone has flaws,” I said and walked away from the porch to the sidewalk. John started walking by my right side.
“You're right about that. Where we will go?” he asked.
“Lets just stroll around the place. We can also check the store and buy something.”
“Is there anything interesting in the city's centre?”
I shrugged the shoulders and said:
“I don't know. We can go there and see.”
My idea was accepted. We checked the mall in the central district, but found nothing interesting. So, we went back into our neighborhood. There was a playground several blocks away from our homes, and that was the place we headed to.
“Look! Our tree,” John shouted and ran off to a curved tree, standing on the farther border of the playground.
I ran after my friend, and soon we were both standing under the shadow of the tree. The trunk of the tree bent a little two meters away from the ground, allowing us to climb it and sit on its old branches covered by deep green leaves. John went first. He grabbed the lowest branch on the left with both hands and lifted himself, helping the process by propping the feet against the trunk. Then he stood on the thick branch.
“Come on Bob!” He said.
I climbed up the tree the same way as John, but then I sat on the branch with legs dangling in the air on both sides of the offshoot. My head was at the level of John's groin. Already seeing the bulge in his pants on eye level turned me on, but the smell just made me crazy. I inhaled the air, and my nose was filled by the musky, sweaty and oily smell of his crotch. For some unknown reason it reminded me of fish. The odour was powerful and driving. During the first sniff, my dick went rock hard. I just wanted to grab John by the ass, plunge my face between his legs and sniff more. My mouth went dry, and a pleasurable ball of anxiety formed in my stomach. I took another sniff and stood on the branch. I was aware of the tent in my shorts and that John's eyes were glued to it, but I didn't want to hide it away. First, it was John, my only and best friend. Second, I wanted to try something with John. I wanted to arouse him and drive him to the peak of ecstasy, to make him cum and see him shiver from pleasure the way I did when I masturbated while fantasizing about him.
“What's that Bob?” John asked teasingly.
He sat on the branch with both legs on one side.
“What's the problem with it? I bet you have one right now just from seeing mine,” I said and sat next to John.
He blushed at my words.
“So, I am right. You got one from looking at mine,” I said.
“Everyone gets them.”
I nodded and moved closer to John. Usually I wasn't an active guy, and I never made the first move but with John everything was different. I knew that John trusted me and would allow me to touch him. This knowledge gave me courage. I moved closer to him.
“Can I ask you something? How do you masturbate?” I asked. A flush of excitement and embarrassment hit my face.
“Like everyone,” John said. ”Hand up and down my dick. And you?”
“The same way. Sometimes I stroke the head with my whole hand or stroke that little spot on the back side of the head with a finger. When did you started jacking off?”
“Last year.”
“Do you remember your first orgasm?” I asked and placed the right hand on John's left knee. I looked at his face. The cheeks were red, but the eyes showed no discomfort. The only thing I could see was lust moving behind my friend's brown irises. He wanted it too. That was great!
“Yes! I was in shower. I moved the nozzle to my dick and balls because I liked the feeling of water streaming on them. I also got my first boner this way,” John said.
“What happened next?” I asked. My hand went up John's left leg. With every centimeter I moved it more to the inner side of the thigh.
“I got a boner and decided to play it for awhile. I felt better and better with every stroke, and then it exploded. It felt so good! I wanked a lot after it, but I never experienced an orgasm that good again,” John finished.
I moved the hand onto the groin. John gasped and squeezed the thighs. Then he relaxed them and spread the legs a little.
“How is it?” I asked John, while feeling trough the fabric of the jean shorts his hard member with the palm of the hand. It felt big, very big. My fingers at the same time caressed his balls. I could feel the semen filled orbs, and they seemed enormous for my fingers.
“Weird, but good. Let me share the experience with you,” John said and placed his left hand on my belly. The hand felt warm and soft.
I spread my legs a little, preparing for John's hand. When the fingers finally swept over my aching member, I closed the eyes and gasped from the feeling. It was as if someone tickled you there, but in a more pleasant way. John's fingers caressed my balls through the fabric of the shorts; every stroke sent a bolt of electric arousal through my body. It was so great I wished that John will never take the hand away from between my legs.
I opened the eyes and looked at my friend. A kinky all knowing smile covered his face. His eyes had a fascinating lusty gleam in them.
“Fantastic isn't it?” He asked.
I nodded. My hand proceeded up to the waistband of John's jean shorts. To the way there my fingers felt again the long and big shaft of John's dick. Even through the jean fabric I could sense its heat.
I placed my hand under John's gray shirt and then slid it into the jean shorts. The first thing I felt was the head of John's dick trough the underwear. It felt pretty big to my fingers. There was a wet spot right on the top of the tent, made out from some sticky liquid.
“Wow...That's so good...” John whispered. An ecstatic smile - which you can see a lot at raves - was spread across his face.
Despite feeling good, John's hand still worked on my package. It went up and down my groin, intensifying the erotic pleasure I felt with every stroke. I started to feel how the pre-orgasmic tension appeared in the balls. Meanwhile, the fingers of my right hand were busy going up and down John's shaft and playing with John's tightened scrotum.
“You're so crafted...You had experience before?” my best friend asked.
By the irregular breathing, sweat on the forehead and red cheeks I understood that my friend was close to the point of no return. I wanted to make sure that this moment will bring John extreme pleasure, so I moved my hand up to the waistband of his undies. I was ready to go under the last layer covering the hard tool when my heart sunk. I withdrew my hand from John's pants at faster than light speed.
“What happened? Why did you stop?” John asked in a dismayed tone .
“Someone's in the playground,” I said. The next moment the weight of John's hand disappeared from my groin, leaving only a throbbing, pulsating and unsatisfied cock.
Our pleasurable activity was distracted by two twelve year old boys, that came to play to this playground.
“Do you think they've noticed us?” John asked.
I shook the head and responded:
“They were talking to each other.”
“Thank goodness! It was so close.”
John was right. Even if the tree had rich foliage, the leaves still couldn't hide anything.
“My dick is so hard and ready to cum. A few strokes I guess and I would had spurted sperm all over my underwear. Why they came at this time?” John said in a frustrated voice.
“I feel the same way. I am so horny right now...I just want to end this, people around or not,” I said with an angry voice.
John looked at the two kids for some time, then lifted the head and looked at me.
“I have an idea. Can you wait till evening?”
“Are you crazy?! Not in this state. I will finish it in the first empty alley we enter,” I interrupted him.
“My parents won't be home tonight, so there will plenty of time for things to try,” John finished.
A wide smile appeared on my face. I just couldn't believe John's words. Even my dick reacted to them. It went rock hard. An indestructible tower made out of flesh stood in my shorts.
“I am one hundred percent in it,” I said, feeling extreme excitement in my body. I wanted to stand up, shout and run from happiness at that moment.
We jumped from the three and went to our houses. On the way there we encountered absolutely no one. and it was fantastic. I don't know about John's, but my penis stood iron hard all the way back home. I envied my friend because he was wearing jean shorts which hid his package well, not like my yellow short shorts made out of thin fabric. It was as effective as walking in underwear only.
We stopped in front of my house.
“See you later then,” John said and smiled. I just nodded.
John walked away to the next house. On the road there, he placed the right hand into the front pocket of the jeans. I understood why he did it in flash. My dick made a twitch and spurted a big glob of precum.
When John finally entered inside the house, I moved toward my porch. I entered my home, and the first thing I did was putting the right hand into my shorts, wrapping the fingers around my hot hard shaft and starting pumping it. I didn't even went to my room. I jacked off there in the hallway, with the spine propped against the main door. The orgasm came in about thirty seconds. I didn't know how long it lasted, but for me it seemed to stretch in eternity, washing me with waves of electrical energy and bringing loads of cum from inside my body. When the orgasm finished I found myself covered in sweat with the heart beating at incredible speed and with an enormous quantity of semen in the underwear and on the right hand. I felt tired but good. Plans about the night were the only things in my head.
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub the unforgiven
     
  
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